alexisbea's Xanga

George is my favorite Beatle!

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:27:19 GMT

George is my favorite because he was so genuine and spiritual and very under appreciated. I believe he was far more gifted than was realized by most. He was a sincere romantic in ever sense of the word and his talent both musically and lyrically were fabulous. There is something enigmatic about George that makes him far more interesting and desirable to know and understand more than John, Paul, or Ringo but I do have to say that all of the Beatles are magnificent examples of human beings and have vastly improved the world of music and beyond!

Untitled For The Hell of It

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 10:50:11 GMT

I am not sure just yet what the subject of this blog will be but one doesn't have to determine that until after finishing and of course I could always title this untitled and the subject would of course be up to the reader. Sort of. In a way the subject of any material is up to the reader, the viewer, and so on. It is the person's experience that brings them to a solid conclusion of what they believe an overall message or meaning towards a particular piece of art be it music, film, painting, sculpting or as I have chosen writing.

Lately, I have been exploring different ideologies within philosophy, religion, and general spirituality. Most of what I have gathered has told me to live by my own thoughts, feelings, and experience. It is told me that words are mere symbols to represent the experience, thoughts, or feelings. And in large I do agree but I have always had such a long and strong love for words. It has been a driving force within me to express myself and to learn.

And here as I have been so told to use words less and to understand and use my thoughts, feelings, and experiences as guilds to my life I would have to say that I am not sure what my thoughts, feelings, and experiences are telling me at this point. So many different ideologies and everyone of them as interesting as the next.

I believe in someway that ever single religion has given us a mere glimpse of the truth. For I believe it is true that no one else thoughts, feelings, or experiences could be your own just by hearing of them. One needs to think, feel, and experience to truly understand. This makes me believe that God is within us all. Already just waiting for the moment to be brought into our consciousness.

In all of this I am very fond of the idea that God is within us, he is us, we are him. There is said to be energy within us, collectively. This energy can never be created and can never be destroyed. I believe this force is or could be God. I have learned that on the deepest level of our being the only emotions we truly feel are love or fear.

All emotions are based off two. I have learned that thoughts and emotions actually have frequencies which can be measured. And while fear has a slow and broad frequency love has a rapid and small frequency and because of this utilizes more of our DNA. Perhaps opening more of our brain.

Einstein always said that one could not have science without religion and vice versa, stating "Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind." I am inclinded to agree. Science allows us all a slight glimps of what our faith could move.

I believe in love above all else and somehow this helps me get up everyday and sleep well at night. I understand the necessity of the bad in the world for one could not know good without it's opposite. Duality is all around us. It is not that it is even a choice to be but rather to be understood and then decided. You must understand your opponate to defeat him in any battle. Although I don't condone violence.

I believe perhaps now that I am at the end I could speak from my own experience and say that as long as one loves with all of their mind, body, and soul then the rest will somehow fall into place. There are so many things to learn about life but more often than not we are too busy to even be interested in our fate.

I would just like to send a message of "stop thinking about what you want in life and start thinking of what you want out of it". What is your ultimate goal. Ask yourself this everyday. Every single day and say it allowed, write it down, picture yourself in that. And I assure you a goal driven life is much more full or contented.

And to all of you I leave this quote!
"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something. "
-Henry David Thoreau

And we all know Thoreau was a man of experience!

Below I have am posting a few items of reference for the reader in case they would like to learn more about what I have been researching myself.

The Secret

The Complete Conversations With God

The Celestine Prophecy

Esoteric Agenda and Kymatica

For more information on any of the following or if you have something you think I might find interesting please feel free to comment or message me!

Thanks!

When I grow up...

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 01:59:08 GMT

I doubt I will ever grow up in this reality. I have too many ideas constantly swarming through my mind like bees. But without these bees that pollinate what becomes our thoughts we would not exist today. What I really want to do is a little bit of everything. I might just do that. For now I believe I am going to major in Creative Writing and minor in Philosophy. For it is expression in any sense that excites me and rocks me to my core. If I could inspire others that would be a dream come true. I would feel self actualized. My business card would read as so; Alexis- Creative writer, philosopher, photographer, and performer. Seek if you need something created, need to create, or need to be inspired. I only hope that all my dreams become realized so that I may see what other things upon which to experience in this life. Really all I truly aspire to do for the rest of my existence is to love and to return that love. For love is the greatest gift we have ever received and thus the greatest gift we could ever give! Okay so maybe my "business" card will read; Alexis Snider Lover of Life!

My Scariest Nightmare - The Uninvited Contest

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:38:50 GMT

My scariest nightmare involves me and my grandmother.
In my dream me and my grandmother were sitting in her house having a nice conversation. She's sewing and rocking back and forth in her chair and humming. Suddenly she turns to me and gives me the scariest heart wrenching look.
As I watch her face she is bringing something up with her arms. An ax! I freak out. Suddenly the entire room and her turn red. All the world around me is monotone shades of red and I am white. I start running away from here down what seems to be an endless corridor. I couldn't escape my grandmother chasing me with an ax.
I woke up in a panic. I still haven't told her this dream. I'm afraid to.

I just blogged about my scariest nightmare to enter The Uninvited Scariest Nightmare Contest for 1,000 credits. You can earn free credits too! Brought to you by The Uninvited - In Theaters January 30th.

Oh It's Been a While.

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 10:26:53 GMT

When I first started this Xanga I did not think I would keep up with it then I started noticing how awesome it was to keep up with it. I started pious writing, reading, and commenting here there and everywhere. But somehow I always fade away for a while. None of the details are really important but what is important is that I eventually return.

I have several blogs. I discovered a few recently that I had completely forgotten. Some that had just been set up without even a first post. That's ashame. There is a huge part of me that wants to be a part of everyone and everything. It is a strange thought really wanting that and even more strange contemplating where that comes from?

Anyway as the details are not important but I find it interesting that the last post was about how brilliant and bright my future was. I am so good at looking up, on certain occasions. My last post was in Salem and here I am back in Salem with nothing but more lost ambition.

I've got to stop trusting those that don't deserve even a second glance. But again, the details are not important.

As of lately I have been living with my father and step mother. It's pretty good. I just need and want a job. Finding a job in Salem is nearly impossible regardless of the way the economy is Salem just isn't a very open minded place. So I've been sitting around on the computer learning, reading, writing, and chatting.

I like to think that some where down the line in life I will look back at this past year of 2008 which pretty much sucked every inch of balls that mankind has and can manifest and say , "hey things weren't that bad". History always tells a different story than the present. It's interesting to read about the past and even more so about ones past. That is my greatest reason for keeping this xanga and my myspace blog.

I have more blogs. I have a few I want to dedicate to web 2.0 and social networking and start ups and such but I am not sure how to maintain a real audience.
If anyone has any suggestions I would love to take them.

I guess what I meant about 2008 and just my time unemployed is that I hope deeply that there is meaning here, although not seen but the future will see a vindication of sorts.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe things will be better someday. And even if they aren't then I will do my best to rot!

My Bright Red Future

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:49:09 GMT

I have started to realize lately that the only reason I sleep is because there seems to be nothing else to do. This also seems to be the reason I eat. And watch a movie or listen to music or get online and write about various odds and ends occurring in my life and around the world. I have nothing else to do. Sometimes I snap a few pictures of myself and the surrounding area. Today I painted a little bit. I consume more and more coffee but I made my last pot. I ran out of coffee and if that doesn't kill me nothing will. I am running out of money faster than a hocker on speed. I wonder if that analogy actually works. I'd really like to thinks so.

I'd also like to think that within the next few days there will be a little more for me to do. I mean I see different people and places from time to time but I have idea of what I really want to happen. What I truly desire within a week is a job. I have high hopes that I will get hired at the red barn deli. I'd like to either manage, waitress, or run the cashier there. I am fairly excited that it might be an actual opportunity for me to work there. I am most excited because ever since I was little I can recall my grandmother and my mother both working there and thinking it most be one of the most magnificent places in the world to work. I know it was and I know it still is.

I am going to work at the red barn deli. I am going to save up enough money to afford myself nicer things. A car. Perhaps I will give in and bye a tv. Maybe satellite. Or perhaps I will just purchase a car and several vinyls, cd's, and films that I desire so much to owe. I am a collector without money at the moment. But I like dreaming and it keeps me alive. I like believing in someone and also in myself and the future.

-Red Dreams-
Someday I will get paid

to photograph your face

to sing you lullabies
and
dance with elegant grace

to write you lovely lyrics
and
construct stories of
adventure
true love
and despair
Someday I will get paid
to produce all of my dreams
upon the big black screen
and all the carpets we walk upon
will be as red as the barn
as red as my current dream
my future is bright red.

Optimistic

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 08:21:58 GMT

I honestly believe happiness and optimism are choices for the most part. I believe the question what can a person do to be more optimistic in life is a very important question and one that I am most excited to answer.

I myself have dealt with depression and even spells of mania. I have never been diagnosed and more than likely won't out of the fact that I have no money at the moment and sometimes I believe all mental disorders are made up and sometimes I am just too afraid of the medication.

Regardless I have had to use my own methods of cognitive therapy to help myself feel better. I find that in a situation of utter despair and lost one must find anything relative to themselves and the rest of the world. Anything. A lot of the time I would use music or films to find relative ground. I started to feel like I was not alone. Along with finding common ground a depressed individual must find a way to express themselves. I of course used writing, drawing, painting and photography as methods of utilizing my pain and expressing myself all the while maintaining a short of joy and purpose.

With all that said it feels a little ridiculous to say that none of those things work one hundred percent and completely for me at least.
I believe in something that will turn an pessimist optimistic. I believe in a higher being. Religion does it for me. I am quite and I am humbled by my God. I am not a religious fanatic. I do not speak out in excess and I would never push my religion on someone. For me, believing that there is a life and a deeper purpose than the one we are living now pushing me to find beauty in everything.

I have always loved life. I died once as a baby and I do not remember it but to this day it stands that nothing could happen or be said to make me change my mind that Jesus Christ is our lord and savior. Nothing. Absolutely nothing and if feels good. What I adore the most about my God is that he does not expect me to be perfect and but he expects me to make mistakes. God to me is everything and everywhere. He is the meaning.

God is the reason I could some how express my pain with words or photographs. God is the reason I adore every last thing about living from coffee to conversations and from films to cigarettes. Yes cigarettes.

Right now I would like to destroy an image. A stereotype if you will. The stereotypical Christian is one whom goes to church acting one way while acting differently the rest of the week while simultaneously looking down upon the rest of the world and shoving several bible verses and lessons into non believers throats. To me this stereotype is alive because it is very much real. But it is not a real or a true Christian at all.

To me, personally a true Christian is just an individual that strives to be like Christ. One whom wants a world of happiness, peace, love, and harmony. A world where expression and idealism rule. A world were there truly is beauty in everything you just have to look at it the right angles.

To me Jesus must have been the coolest most hip guy alive during his time and probably will continue to be the coolest dude when he gets back. I see Jesus as a nature loving individual. Someone that would not liter but recycle everything imaginable. Jesus would never judge another person. I imagine Jesus as the person that everyone goes to talk to and get things off their chest. I believe Jesus can and would be a friend to every man and women.

I believe in God that is patient and kind. A God that is jealous and with good right to be. Today and more than ever lately I have been feeling a strong call back to my faith. I want a clearer mind and a more polished heart and those things only come with God.

I believe to truly answer the question what could one do to be more optimistic in life we must first look at the individual. I have supplied you with my rationalizations and my believes and you can take of it what you will. The most beautiful thing about this world is our free will. Our power to decide for ourselves. Our power to fall madly in love or hate. Our power to think positively and negatively. Perhaps your negative views are not so bad, perhaps they will produce something magnificent someday.

I believe that thinking positively is a cognitive choice. One must think about what is causing negative thoughts and do whatever they can do to the best of their abilities to change it. I truly believe that when an individual connects with all of their mind, body, and soul that nothing they imagine could be impossible. Anything is possible. Anything.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Hunter Bunter

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 07:39:08 GMT

I want you all to meet my little brother Hunter.
We call him Hunter Bunter.
He is three.
He is exactly like me at that age.
I hope you enjoy these videos.
These are my favorite two out of the bunch.
Comment and share your own videos of you and your siblings.

Intertwined

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 06:54:20 GMT

In retrospect, I believe I had little to no idea where I was going in life. I still have no idea now. I have always wanted to make some type of impact, however; through the years I have come to realize that each and every single thing we do makes an impact. Whether the impact be thought of us huge is irrelevant to me now. I have come to the conclusion that life in it of itself is about human interaction and I will do my very best to learn, to teach, to care, to listen, to converse, and to love. I believe our lives our forever intertwined.

One of my best friend has always been my cousin but I am fortunate enough to call more than one person honest to goodness best friends. They are best friends because I can share anything with them and I know they will not judgment and they will always look out for me.

I just want to thanks these people.

Cricket and Davey

Jessica and Julia

My Aunt Traci

My Mother

All of these people have had a great impact on my life. It is true what they say how the little things turn into to big things over the years. I have realized the value of honesty, humor, and compassion. I have decided these traits are the ones I will look for when meeting someone knew. I will never let go of the faith I have for even the times when these people disappointed me it was not for long and I knew they would return with the honesty, the humor, and the compassion for themselves and everyone they interact with.

You see here is my story as of lately,

A little over a year ago I graduated from high school. I graduated at the top of my class with honors. I was president of a few clubs and an active member of many others. I had huge ambition and could not wait to leave Salem. So summer came and went and I moved to Springfield to attend college at Missouri State University. The first half of the semester I kept the spark and motivation and zest for life that I had always had. I resided in 'Freddy' and did not spend a lot of time focused socially but more on classes. Then I started visiting friends from high school at Blair. Then I started visiting my friends from Salem every weekend. I started hating living in "Freddy" and decided to move into Blair to be with the rest of the crew that had came from Salem to MSU. After about the second half of the semester I was officially moved into Blair. By this time I had already made a new best friend. Lindsay. Lindsay and I started to do everything together. Soon we both hated college. Our grades started to slip as we neglected going to classes and developed mono. My zest left my body. When the semester was over my time at MSU was as well. I parted ways with Lindsay. I parted ways with Springfield. I decided to transfer back to Salem at the local college SBU. It was not a bad decision. I know I feel out of place now but I believe it is never the destination but rather the journey. I believe that I still have ambitions and aspirations. I still believe in a most beautiful and peaceful world but I find more often than not it is just in my little head. Recently I have spent most of my day online looking for a job. I'm moving back to Springfield, my mother thinks it will be safer and I will have more opportunity. She doesn't trust me in the big city. Sometimes I think I will just move away to a big city. See how long I will last. I have no fear for physical entities. I have always only feared the metaphysical, perhaps that is why reality and I never really keep in touch. Well I know is that life to me is interaction and learning. Each day brings on new opportunities and it is our choice to cease or decease.

And in case my story interests you and you are extremely enthusiastic about friendship and memories here is a video made just after I graduated full of friends and memories, enjoy!
Reunion

Alexis

Interests

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 06:12:56 GMT

When I meet someone new there are a number of topics that I am interested in bringing up and discussing just so that I gauge and understand a little more about the particular individual. Often I bring up the subject of favorite in categories such as film, music, television show, book, website, drinks. I guess these days when I meet a person it is almost like I am asking them to fill out a vocal profile for me complete with interest, about me, and the possibility of heroes and who'd I like to meet. I often wonder how the constant access of the internet and my ability to stumble upon (totally ad) any webpage that I want affects me. I wonder if it affects the way I interact with people? I am assuming so in the above lines. Then again these are valuable and common subjects to speak of. I brought all of these subjects to your attention to present a series. I have decided to devote a blog a month at the absolute least to one of the following categories. Film, Music, Television, Literature, Websites, and Food and Drink. I might add other categories later but for the time being those seem like the most relevant to me and the audience.

This month I choose to focus on the wonderful category of film. This category has always been very important in my life. I am a film freak. I will get an huge impression of you just based off of the type of movies you like. It sounds ridiculous, I know but I cannot help it. I find that people whom like good films (which is according to my own opinion) are more creative, intellectual, humorous, and have a nice chill factor about them. This is not to say that I do not like people whom do not share similar taste in films as me but I do know and understand that people whom can agree on films can agree on a lot more.

Over the past week I have watched two films and I would like to talk about both of them. I am also going to discuss a few of my favorite films and particular scenes that I found to be especially life altering. Laugh if you must but I am one hundred honest in my regard to these films.

The other day my friend Stevi called me and asked me to come over for macaroni and cheese while we watched one of her favorite movies of all time. Stevi and I have disagreements about a lot of things and our taste in movies and music is rather different. That night we watched Fried Green Tomatoes, and to be honest I was not looking forward to it. I had a bad misconception of the film from the start and I didn't want to watch it. Yet, through out the film I began to actually enjoy it. I decided that a person must be open in everything. A person must accept that everyone has their own choices and opinions and tastes. I contemplated how I could claim that I am open minded if I have ideas about a movie I had not seen yet. My obvious answer was that I contributed all the films that did not fit into my certain style or category to be rather awful. That night I learned that each opportunity to see and participate in something new must be ceased. I have decided to cease the day because of that particular event.

The day before yesterday (which would actually now be the day before the day before yesterday because it is not one in morn) I went to my friend Jessica's to watch a movie and eat some good ole Korean food. Jessica is half Korean and I enjoy learning about and experiencing other cultures so in that respect and in many others Jessica and I are the best of friends. We ate some kimchi and rice and needless to say it was absolutely delicious. Shortly after discussing the positives and negatives of Tyra Banks while we watched her talk show, Jessica and I decided to watch the film. The film I picked out for that day was the newest film by Wes Anderson (one of my favorite directors of all time). The film was titled The Darjeeling Limited. It had an astonishing cast of characters which no one does quite like Wes. I mean in this film we have Jason Shwartzmen, Adrien Brody, and Owen Wilson as three estranged brothers that have come together to complete a spiritual journey. I do not wish to spoil anything for anyone at anytime so I will leave it at that but it is a most magnificent film. I would encourage anyone to watch it. Watch any Wes Anderson film he makes movies with such a fresh and real perspective and like no one else.

Wes Anderson actually brings me to my very next topic of discussion. The five movies and a number of scenes which I found to be life changing.

The Royal Tenenbaums.

This scene because it demonstrates a level of self loathing and destruction that is often delt with in a more groosom and unrealistic way. I found this to be honest. It was filmed with a blue tint that only adds to the mood and elliot smith's needle in the hay playing in the background, there could not have been a better fit.

I think this scene displays the true meaning of the film that love no matter how subjectively perceived by others as wrong, strange, weird, unusual, and all these other related words will conquer. Love is boundless and it is one of the most beautiful pieces of film work I have ever seen.

Margot at the Wedding.

I could only supply you with the trailer but perhaps that is enough. I loved this movie. It is awful that I can relate.

Requiem For a Dream.

Honestly one of the most disturbing and thought provoking scenes from any film. This films makes me nauseous the way it captures and corrupts the human spirit.

A Scanner Darkly.

This film is unlike any other I have ever seen. The digitalization of the characters but the way it still captures so much more about the characters than most films can. This film is humorous in the most disturbing way and scary because of the fact that the future, our future could be anything.

American Beauty.

Oh the dialog.
"Well at least I'm not ugly"
"Yes you are, and you are boring and completely ordinary and you know it". Oh it speaks so deeply for people who have ever felt like a little less. Magic.

Those Five Films are all I have for you at the moment, stay tuned for more and I encourage you to list movies you would recommend I see bellow.

Thanks Alexis.